FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
