Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
