It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
