Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
