it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
