Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
