I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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