So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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