I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Boobs are out for the taking
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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