He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
