margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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