so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
