I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
