does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
