He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
