I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
