Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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