just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
