Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
