just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
