i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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