Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
