cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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