Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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