I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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