so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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