My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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