She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
