just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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