He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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