Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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