Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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