after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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