just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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