I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize