i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
