now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
