I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
