just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize