OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
