I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
