Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
is it fun? or sober?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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