I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My vagina is very pro this idea
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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