Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
