Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
