they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
