I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Also, beer. Big fan.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
