apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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