I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize