wat bout pragnant strippers??
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
