if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize