I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
