i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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