im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
