i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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