that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm at about main and main street
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
