I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize