We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
