Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize