i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
