I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
