You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
