It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize