would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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