I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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