Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
