Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize