Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
