That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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