Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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