Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
