You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
