How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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