He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
