We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
