Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
