So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Panties = found
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
