Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
