she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
