Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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