he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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