Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
