Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
