I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
