In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
