Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
