Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
